Steps of Faith

With the Russian Military building up on the borders of Ukraine there is a real prospect things could get nasty and quick. As much as I have been praying for Ukraine I think when my husband showed me a map of Ukraine and the Russian soldiers build up it finally hit me. If Russia invades it won't be what we saw in Crimea...they will make a direct line to cease the capitol. EVERYTHING will instantly change.

My heart aches for all the people of Ukraine but I would be lying if I said that the faces of my friends, "Flower," and countless orphans don't flood my mind at the thought of the prospect of war in Ukraine. Then to think that I could be there when/if it happens is a whole other level of concern.

Right now I have been reminded in my spirit, that all I can do is pray...not just over the situation as a whole but to be sure I am holding tight to Jesus and His word. If God wants me to stay home and trust Him for the answers that I will not have as to why He led us this far to put on the breaks, then that's what I need to do. But if God is telling me to "go" and continue to trust Him with every step, regardless of the outcome, then that's where I must be faithful as well. Also, of equal importance, that God keep mine and my husband's heart aligned with His. Right now we aren't feeling differently but we need to be in agreement when it is time to board the plane.

This past week there were families that had their dossiers submitted 1 and 2 days before me that found out they were registered. Our dossier has not yet been registered or rejected. The previous group of families received not only their registration confirmation but their travel dates at the same time. With all of the current timeline averages it appears that 1 of 2 things is most likely to happen this coming week (as long as there are no issues with our dossier)....we will likely either receive confirmation of registration early in the week and receive a travel date the following week or we'll have no news until the end of the week and receive both registration confirmation AND a travel date at the same time. In either scenario it also seems likely that we would receive a travel date for the last week of April! That's just a few weeks away!

I am so thankful for the reminder from a close friend that because I will be breaking this adoption up into multiple trips, I do not need all the money before trip 1. It's slightly nerve wracking to think I would still have quite a bit of funds to pull together between my referral trip and court BUT there is also some peace in that. I have written over and over how God has provided AS WE HAVE NEEDED IT and truth is I don't NEED to have all of the money for trip 1; so we need to just focus on what we do need.

For trip 1 we need airfare for me and my travel buddy (not feeling inspired to travel alone during the threat of a Russian invasion and will be taking another adoptive mom and dear friend with me), food and lodging for up to 2 wks, in-country transportation (taxi &/or driver, trains &/or bus), and a portion of the facilitation fee. I have calculated that trip 1 will cost roughly $8,000. This means we are just $3,100 shy of what we need to travel in approximately 3 weeks.

I am so incredibly thankful for the donations last week. With the sale of our china dinner set (had it for like 13 years and used it maybe twice), some savings here and there, and donations, we brought up our adoption funds by over $1,000! Thank you so much! I kid you not, when one person gives ANY amount, God multiplies it! I see Him do it time and time again.

So with just $3,100 from the goal in 3 weeks (rather than focusing in on $21,100 in 3 weeks), I am feeling a bit more comforted. Is it really any harder for God to provide $21,100 than $3,100? Not at all! But remembering that in the past He has provided as we have needed it, it's a great reminder that He can and will still do the same.

I am hoping to have a fundraiser put together soon as we are exploring options. As always, your contributions of any amount are GREATLY appreciated.


Please keep praying for Ukraine!

Not Sure What To Do

I know Jesus IS the answer...He always is. I know sometimes fundraising is necessary, we need to be proactive, but I also know that we've have had many times in our previous adoptions where I felt like we MUST do fundraisers only to find that in my quiet time with God I'd believe He wanted us to stop trying so hard and just trust; so we would stop the fundraisers and do just that. Amazingly, He would absolutely provide. There was no magic formula, and I couldn't even go back and calculate how it all happened (because it never really seemed to add up) but He provided!

Here I sit today and again faced with, "So, should I be doing something? A fundraiser? Applying for grants? Applying for loans? Begging for a chunk of change?" and there is absolutely no impression upon my heart to really do any of that...but in my flesh I feel like, "You have got to do SOMETHING! Money won't just fall from the sky," especially when I see so many other adoption fundraisers going on around me. I *think* I'd even be happy if I believe God was impressing upon my heart to "be still," but honestly I can't hear squat over my screaming flesh.

The key (and I am doing a bit of self talk here) is to always be walking in the Spirit because I can't go wrong. God will not punish me for having faith. We will not allow me to miss out. Waiting on him is not disobedience. If He tells me to jump I will do it.

 

As hard and stressful as fundraisers are, and they are, there are adoptive families busting their tails (been there, done that), I wonder if it is harder (or maybe just a different kind of hard) to just sit and wait on God.

Seriously. I should be a professional at this now. Our last adoption was so easy in the sense that my faith was stronger...maybe because I was busier, or maybe because I needed the money in much smaller increments in over a years time not a ginormouos chunk in just a few weeks. But He provided AS WE NEEDED IT. I could remind myself, "I don't need it today," and when I did need it, I had it. Hard to do with $22,000.

In 2 of our adoptions we received nearly as much and more than this in a moments time. I'm thinking the odds of that happening again are probably pretty slim. Of course, I was certain the odds of that happening EVER was pretty slim before too...and there was NO POSSIBLE WAY I could have ever dreamed it would have happened as it did.

Is fear the lack of faith? Yes, but I know my God and I know that He WILL provide if this is to happen. He doesn't need to provide today, I don't need it today, but I sure would be glad if He did. Patience is obviously not something that comes naturally for me.

I just don't understand how I can have had God provide over  $130,000 in adoption costs in the past and feel so unsettled about $22,000. In God's economy that is not even a drop in the bucket. I'm looking at the mountain and not at my God. I sure would love some encouraging scripture and prayer.

Thanks! <3

Fear

I have to admit, fear has started to creep in. I have no fear in adopting again right now; that is for certain. I do think that I will face some pretty big fear when it comes time to travel. Things are getting rough in Ukraine right now and even a good friend of ours (Ukrainian) was brutally attacked and mugged on the streets of Kiev last week!

If you don't already know, I am traveling alone. I mean, I hope to have a travel buddy but my husband does not need to travel for the adoption and we are choosing for him to remain home with the children. Because of what is going on he mentioned how he should probably go with me but we quickly realized that this would not be a good idea because IF something were to happen then what would happen to our kids at home? He needs to stay here.

No doubt there will be plenty of people who think that I am nuts to go or am being irresponsible mom...I have already heard a bit of this from one concerned person, but honestly I am trusting God in when and if I should go.

The other thing is...the money. I know, I know, you are tired of me posting about it but this is a huge fact we can't just brush aside. Our dossier was submitted 3 weeks ago tomorrow. We were told by our facilitator that 4 weeks is the average time for registration. Others told us many have been registered in 3 weeks. If either of these timelines were still correct we could hear something any day now. The next wait would be 3-4 weeks to hear of a travel date for another 4 weeks out. (that would mean travel the end of May possibly). However, last night a new friend in the adoption community shared a new possible timeline and a change in the process (not a legal change. just an apparent change). She shared that THREE families had just learned they were registered AND received their travel date all in the same day! It took a few weeks longer before they found out they were registered but again, they learned of their travel date at the same time AND they will be traveling in just a few weeks! By this friend's calculations (based on the timelines of these 3 families), that would mean we should hear of our registration and appointment date in about 2.5 wks for an APRIL travel date! Hello! That's next month! AND....I HAVE NO MONEY!

There is this huge part of me that wants to remind myself that God has come through every time, and if I sit down and fantasize how the money will come, I can pretty well be sure that those are the ways the money will NOT come. There is no way to figure it out! $22,000 in 6 weeks? Yes, I'm nervous.

I need to remind myself that looking at our experiences in the past is helpful but not where I need to be looking...I need to be looking at God. He will ALWAYS be bigger than our experiences. Maybe that's where the fear is creeping in.

I don't know. I just know that if our boys are over there and God is telling me to bring them home, then I need to do it. I just want to swoop in and scoop them up...whoever they are.

Dossier Submitted!!

At last! Our dossier was successfully submitted!

Again we were told the average travel date is 3 months from submission with 3-4 weeks notice. That would put me there just about at the time of their emergency presidential elections. Kind of scary. I don't want to be in the capitol city for a revolution (prayerfully that won't even happen though). And I don't want to get stuck in country nor do I want to meet and fall in love with a child and then have everything shutdown and not be able to adopt. I am trusting God and all these things have always been a possibility with every adoption we've been through in this country. But I am really wanting to be done with my appointment in the capitol city before elections. I will, however, pray for God's perfect timing, because only He knows what is in store for all of us.

In the meantime, I will be praying favor over our dossier registration. A new friend in the adoption community recently had to resubmit her dossier with additional documents after having been submitted weeks earlier. It took 3 weeks before she found out that her dossier was rejected rather than registered.  Prayerfully things will move quickly and smoothly for her from here on out and ours will be accepted on out first attempt.

So...who wants to travel with me? I'd offer to cover your expenses but at this point I can't even say I will be able to cover my own. Oy!

It's a great day!

An Aching Heart

It's so hard to put into words what I am thinking and feeling.

All that has been happening in the homeland of my children and (prayerfully) future children has been nothing less than heart wrenching. Last week things took a sharp turn for the worse as war appeared to have broken out against the people of this country who dared to speak up for their rights. It was ugly and incredibly sad. As the reports continue to reveal more I find myself in disbelief on how barbaric the police actions were. I won't allow myself to minimize what PTSD really is but I can say that even from a very far distance from this government collapse and mass murdering of last week, today's news of more murders and turmoil have quickly effected me...I seriously feel like I could just vomit.

 

I have been praying and pleading to God to intervene on behalf of the people of this country. I have been following the news closely and have just cried over all of this injustice. I have also celebrated over the victories and praised God for His clear intervening. I have been hopeful and watching, as I continue to pray. I do not make light of what has happened and what is still happening but as the dust began to settle a bit there were these other thoughts and feelings that I have wrestled with; they are about our son(s).

The fact that things are so grievous and uncertain for a great many of people...people who we call friends, people in the homeland of 5 of our children, people we feel a connection to...does not take away from this aching and yearning that has led us to step out in faith to adopt. However, I have felt guilty about having these feelings...although, maybe as I type that is changing.

I have felt guilty because my desires to adopt (or otherwise) is not the center of the universe and certainly not even on the scale of importance when it comes the lives (living, breathing, freedoms, and basic human rights) of the people in the country we feel led to adopt from. Although, as I type this it occurs to me that while that is absolutely true what is equally important is the lives of the children who sit in orphanages, including those that God may have called to be our sons. What happens in that country will determine the fate of all those orphan children. The country that wants to invade and take over is known for their neglect and abuse of their orphan children and for using these children's as pawns in a political game. If my children are waiting for us there then I should absolutely care and ache to bring them home; after all, we believe that it is by God's leading that we even began this adoption journey again.

I asked my husband the other day what we will do if things shutdown and we cannot adopt from this country. I believe his answer was, "Nothing." I didn't like it and chose not to further discuss it because it doesn't matter right now. That's not a crossroad we are at, but the truth is, this is the direction I strongly feel called to. I don't feel called to another country. I almost wish I did. I almost wish I just felt called to adopt boys from wherever but currently that is not the situation. I can't predict the future, that could change and maybe this is just where God wants us right now; I really don't know. What I do know is this is where God has called us and we need keep our eyes on Him. He has chosen our children before we were born. He has chosen this family to be brought together through adoption before we were born. We cannot just pick and choose, we need to trust.

So last week Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were the worst days of this 3+ month long revolution thus far, yet somehow in the midst of bloody attacks and chaos, DHL delivered our documents on time to our translator who lives in that very city! I still cannot comprehend how that happened. Seriously, there is no way that would have happened in America.

Before Tuesday of last week we were told that our dossier should be submitted today. Of course everything stopped last week when the government was collapsing. Amazingly, the government is being rebuilt and most were back to work on Monday, including the government adoption center. Yesterday we were told that it is expected that our dossier will still be submitted today. No further delays after all of that? That would be incredible! So we wait for the news one way or the other.

I am sharing all of this to not only bring you up to speed on our adoption (which is all about one step at a time and just trusting God for the outcome) but to also let you know that if I speak (or post) about my aching heart for my boy(s) it does not lessen my concern for what is happening in their country, but maybe you know that. Maybe I am just being hard on myself. It really doesn't have to be an either or situation...I can care deeply about both no matter how intertwined the situations may be.

Prayerfully today we will be one big step closeer!

 

 

The Little Engine That Could...

I feel like the Little Engine That Could! Seriously! Trying to get the paperwork right and in the hands of my facilitator has been nothing short of a challenge. I am just not on my A game this time around as I have never had these troubles in the past. Thankfully, everything should be good to go now!

Earlier this week we got our final revised documents back from the Secretary of State office with apostilles. Knowing that a winter storm was coming we rushed out to try and have them mailed before we really got hit...but everything was closed! No DHL! :( So instead of having them in the mail on Tuesday we had to wait until Friday. The good news is they are on their way and are scheduled to be delivered on Monday! Everything has been scanned, reviewed, and is being translated in the meantime.

Here is our predicted timeline (estimates of course):


Submission the following Thursday (10 days after it is received)
1 month until department acceptance
1 month until travel invitation
1 month until travel


If this was an exact science (which it is NOT) that would put me traveling the first week in June. In general, I tend to assume that the few weeks prior to that as well as the next few weeks following that are likely fair game for travel.

I am going to update our funds tracker in the sidebar but it's not very encouraging. We have had some unexpected expenses (if you are adopting, you can count on this happening during that time) and had to make some adjustments to the spreadsheet of predicted costs for the 2nd child (I'm really hoping for brothers). I keep reminding myself that in the past God has provided AS WE NEEDED IT, particularly our last adoption. I need to stop guessing how it will possibly work out because it has NEVER worked out as I pictured in my mind.

So we have what we need for today and I'm trusting God for the rest.

What Is Going On?

Well, as I said in my last post I mailed those documents but guess what...the homestudy needs more fixed! Can you believe that because BOTH my husband and I are recommended and approved to adopt it could be a problem? Yeah, it needs to just say me on the last piece since I am adopting as a "married single." Long story to explain why this was not caught earlier but I blame no one, instead am grateful that things are being checked and rechecked. 

So I found this out 2 days before surgery but then another delay! Apparently the adoption section of the government is becoming very particular about listing very specifically any special needs willing to be accepted and are approved for. While this is pretty recent so cannot yet say how consistent of an issue this will be it sure is a good time to make sure we cover all the bases. I got this long list of ICD-10 codes and their descriptions (in a foreign language!) of diagnosis that would make a child under the age of 5 eligible for adoption. Not only  was it 5 pages long in size 5.5 font in a foreign language but I got it post surgery!! I'm being drugged!

I had surgery on Wednesday and appear to be one of the miraculous not so horrific cases HOWEVER that requires me to stay on the prescribed meds and not miss a dose or I really hurt and have a hard time getting a hold on things again. When it hurts it feels like a bad case of Strep and a double ear infection. When I'm on the meds as prescribed the pain is quite minimal BUT I feel drugged...because I am. So if this post seems "off" that is why, my brain has been mush and that's been the hardest part of this recovery period. 

In any case, today I pushed through and withheld half a dose of meds to try and get through this list of diagnosis to look each one up (thankfully a friend had the list in English for me to use). So I have completed it and sent a draft of the recommendation to my social worker and facilitator to take a look at for updating. Hopefully we will get the green light so we can  move forward. It is hard feeling feeling like we are at a stand still when I so badly want to meet and bring home our boy(s). 

Lastly, the other family pursuing the little boy on my heart for over a year is there now and appears to be following through. I am praying for all of them through this and hope that it is best for all. While I would still adopt him in a heartbeat if given the opportunity it is a bit exciting to think that there is a higher likelihood of us adopting siblings if we do not pursue a "single" child. What will they be like? I am dying to know.