All that has been happening in the homeland of my children
and (prayerfully) future children has been nothing less than heart wrenching. Last
week things took a sharp turn for the worse as war appeared to have broken out
against the people of this country who dared to speak up for their rights. It
was ugly and incredibly sad. As the reports continue to reveal more I find
myself in disbelief on how barbaric the police actions were. I won't allow
myself to minimize what PTSD really is but I can say that even from a very far
distance from this government collapse and mass murdering of last week, today's
news of more murders and turmoil have quickly effected me...I seriously feel
like I could just vomit.
I have been praying and pleading to God to intervene on
behalf of the people of this country. I have been following the news closely
and have just cried over all of this injustice. I have also celebrated over the
victories and praised God for His clear intervening. I have been hopeful and
watching, as I continue to pray. I do not make light of what has happened and
what is still happening but as the dust began to settle a bit there were these
other thoughts and feelings that I have wrestled with; they are about our
son(s).
The fact that things are so grievous and uncertain for a
great many of people...people who we call friends, people in the homeland of 5
of our children, people we feel a connection to...does not take away from this
aching and yearning that has led us to step out in faith to adopt. However, I
have felt guilty about having these feelings...although, maybe as I type that
is changing.
I have felt guilty because my desires to adopt (or
otherwise) is not the center of the universe and certainly not even on the
scale of importance when it comes the lives (living, breathing, freedoms, and
basic human rights) of the people in the country we feel led to adopt from.
Although, as I type this it occurs to me that while that is absolutely true what
is equally important is the lives of the children who sit in orphanages,
including those that God may have called to be our sons. What happens in that
country will determine the fate of all those orphan children. The country that
wants to invade and take over is known for their neglect and abuse of their
orphan children and for using these children's as pawns in a political game. If
my children are waiting for us there then I should absolutely care and ache to bring
them home; after all, we believe that it is by God's leading that we even began
this adoption journey again.
I asked my husband the other day what we will do if things
shutdown and we cannot adopt from this country. I believe his answer was,
"Nothing." I didn't like it and chose not to further discuss it
because it doesn't matter right now. That's not a crossroad we are at, but the
truth is, this is the direction I strongly feel called to. I don't feel called
to another country. I almost wish I did. I almost wish I just felt called to
adopt boys from wherever but currently that is not the situation. I can't predict
the future, that could change and maybe this is just where God wants us right
now; I really don't know. What I do know is this is where God has called us and
we need keep our eyes on Him. He has chosen our children before we were born.
He has chosen this family to be brought together through adoption before we were
born. We cannot just pick and choose, we need to trust.
So last week Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were the worst
days of this 3+ month long revolution thus far, yet somehow in the midst of
bloody attacks and chaos, DHL delivered our documents on time to our
translator who lives in that very city! I still cannot comprehend how that
happened. Seriously, there is no way that would have happened in America
Before Tuesday of last week we were told that our dossier
should be submitted today. Of course everything stopped last week when the
government was collapsing. Amazingly, the government is being rebuilt and most
were back to work on Monday, including the government adoption center.
Yesterday we were told that it is expected that our dossier will still be
submitted today. No further delays after all of that? That would be incredible!
So we wait for the news one way or the other.
I am sharing all of this to not only bring you up to speed
on our adoption (which is all about one step at a time and just trusting God
for the outcome) but to also let you know that if I speak (or post) about my
aching heart for my boy(s) it does not lessen my concern for what is happening
in their country, but maybe you know that. Maybe I am just being hard on
myself. It really doesn't have to be an either or situation...I can care deeply
about both no matter how intertwined the situations may be.
Prayerfully today we will be one big step closeer!
No comments:
Post a Comment