Not Sure What To Do

I know Jesus IS the answer...He always is. I know sometimes fundraising is necessary, we need to be proactive, but I also know that we've have had many times in our previous adoptions where I felt like we MUST do fundraisers only to find that in my quiet time with God I'd believe He wanted us to stop trying so hard and just trust; so we would stop the fundraisers and do just that. Amazingly, He would absolutely provide. There was no magic formula, and I couldn't even go back and calculate how it all happened (because it never really seemed to add up) but He provided!

Here I sit today and again faced with, "So, should I be doing something? A fundraiser? Applying for grants? Applying for loans? Begging for a chunk of change?" and there is absolutely no impression upon my heart to really do any of that...but in my flesh I feel like, "You have got to do SOMETHING! Money won't just fall from the sky," especially when I see so many other adoption fundraisers going on around me. I *think* I'd even be happy if I believe God was impressing upon my heart to "be still," but honestly I can't hear squat over my screaming flesh.

The key (and I am doing a bit of self talk here) is to always be walking in the Spirit because I can't go wrong. God will not punish me for having faith. We will not allow me to miss out. Waiting on him is not disobedience. If He tells me to jump I will do it.

 

As hard and stressful as fundraisers are, and they are, there are adoptive families busting their tails (been there, done that), I wonder if it is harder (or maybe just a different kind of hard) to just sit and wait on God.

Seriously. I should be a professional at this now. Our last adoption was so easy in the sense that my faith was stronger...maybe because I was busier, or maybe because I needed the money in much smaller increments in over a years time not a ginormouos chunk in just a few weeks. But He provided AS WE NEEDED IT. I could remind myself, "I don't need it today," and when I did need it, I had it. Hard to do with $22,000.

In 2 of our adoptions we received nearly as much and more than this in a moments time. I'm thinking the odds of that happening again are probably pretty slim. Of course, I was certain the odds of that happening EVER was pretty slim before too...and there was NO POSSIBLE WAY I could have ever dreamed it would have happened as it did.

Is fear the lack of faith? Yes, but I know my God and I know that He WILL provide if this is to happen. He doesn't need to provide today, I don't need it today, but I sure would be glad if He did. Patience is obviously not something that comes naturally for me.

I just don't understand how I can have had God provide over  $130,000 in adoption costs in the past and feel so unsettled about $22,000. In God's economy that is not even a drop in the bucket. I'm looking at the mountain and not at my God. I sure would love some encouraging scripture and prayer.

Thanks! <3