Our Family 2014

Our Family 2014

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Fear

I have to admit, fear has started to creep in. I have no fear in adopting again right now; that is for certain. I do think that I will face some pretty big fear when it comes time to travel. Things are getting rough in Ukraine right now and even a good friend of ours (Ukrainian) was brutally attacked and mugged on the streets of Kiev last week!

If you don't already know, I am traveling alone. I mean, I hope to have a travel buddy but my husband does not need to travel for the adoption and we are choosing for him to remain home with the children. Because of what is going on he mentioned how he should probably go with me but we quickly realized that this would not be a good idea because IF something were to happen then what would happen to our kids at home? He needs to stay here.

No doubt there will be plenty of people who think that I am nuts to go or am being irresponsible mom...I have already heard a bit of this from one concerned person, but honestly I am trusting God in when and if I should go.

The other thing is...the money. I know, I know, you are tired of me posting about it but this is a huge fact we can't just brush aside. Our dossier was submitted 3 weeks ago tomorrow. We were told by our facilitator that 4 weeks is the average time for registration. Others told us many have been registered in 3 weeks. If either of these timelines were still correct we could hear something any day now. The next wait would be 3-4 weeks to hear of a travel date for another 4 weeks out. (that would mean travel the end of May possibly). However, last night a new friend in the adoption community shared a new possible timeline and a change in the process (not a legal change. just an apparent change). She shared that THREE families had just learned they were registered AND received their travel date all in the same day! It took a few weeks longer before they found out they were registered but again, they learned of their travel date at the same time AND they will be traveling in just a few weeks! By this friend's calculations (based on the timelines of these 3 families), that would mean we should hear of our registration and appointment date in about 2.5 wks for an APRIL travel date! Hello! That's next month! AND....I HAVE NO MONEY!

There is this huge part of me that wants to remind myself that God has come through every time, and if I sit down and fantasize how the money will come, I can pretty well be sure that those are the ways the money will NOT come. There is no way to figure it out! $22,000 in 6 weeks? Yes, I'm nervous.

I need to remind myself that looking at our experiences in the past is helpful but not where I need to be looking...I need to be looking at God. He will ALWAYS be bigger than our experiences. Maybe that's where the fear is creeping in.

I don't know. I just know that if our boys are over there and God is telling me to bring them home, then I need to do it. I just want to swoop in and scoop them up...whoever they are.

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