Steps of Faith

With the Russian Military building up on the borders of Ukraine there is a real prospect things could get nasty and quick. As much as I have been praying for Ukraine I think when my husband showed me a map of Ukraine and the Russian soldiers build up it finally hit me. If Russia invades it won't be what we saw in Crimea...they will make a direct line to cease the capitol. EVERYTHING will instantly change.

My heart aches for all the people of Ukraine but I would be lying if I said that the faces of my friends, "Flower," and countless orphans don't flood my mind at the thought of the prospect of war in Ukraine. Then to think that I could be there when/if it happens is a whole other level of concern.

Right now I have been reminded in my spirit, that all I can do is pray...not just over the situation as a whole but to be sure I am holding tight to Jesus and His word. If God wants me to stay home and trust Him for the answers that I will not have as to why He led us this far to put on the breaks, then that's what I need to do. But if God is telling me to "go" and continue to trust Him with every step, regardless of the outcome, then that's where I must be faithful as well. Also, of equal importance, that God keep mine and my husband's heart aligned with His. Right now we aren't feeling differently but we need to be in agreement when it is time to board the plane.

This past week there were families that had their dossiers submitted 1 and 2 days before me that found out they were registered. Our dossier has not yet been registered or rejected. The previous group of families received not only their registration confirmation but their travel dates at the same time. With all of the current timeline averages it appears that 1 of 2 things is most likely to happen this coming week (as long as there are no issues with our dossier)....we will likely either receive confirmation of registration early in the week and receive a travel date the following week or we'll have no news until the end of the week and receive both registration confirmation AND a travel date at the same time. In either scenario it also seems likely that we would receive a travel date for the last week of April! That's just a few weeks away!

I am so thankful for the reminder from a close friend that because I will be breaking this adoption up into multiple trips, I do not need all the money before trip 1. It's slightly nerve wracking to think I would still have quite a bit of funds to pull together between my referral trip and court BUT there is also some peace in that. I have written over and over how God has provided AS WE HAVE NEEDED IT and truth is I don't NEED to have all of the money for trip 1; so we need to just focus on what we do need.

For trip 1 we need airfare for me and my travel buddy (not feeling inspired to travel alone during the threat of a Russian invasion and will be taking another adoptive mom and dear friend with me), food and lodging for up to 2 wks, in-country transportation (taxi &/or driver, trains &/or bus), and a portion of the facilitation fee. I have calculated that trip 1 will cost roughly $8,000. This means we are just $3,100 shy of what we need to travel in approximately 3 weeks.

I am so incredibly thankful for the donations last week. With the sale of our china dinner set (had it for like 13 years and used it maybe twice), some savings here and there, and donations, we brought up our adoption funds by over $1,000! Thank you so much! I kid you not, when one person gives ANY amount, God multiplies it! I see Him do it time and time again.

So with just $3,100 from the goal in 3 weeks (rather than focusing in on $21,100 in 3 weeks), I am feeling a bit more comforted. Is it really any harder for God to provide $21,100 than $3,100? Not at all! But remembering that in the past He has provided as we have needed it, it's a great reminder that He can and will still do the same.

I am hoping to have a fundraiser put together soon as we are exploring options. As always, your contributions of any amount are GREATLY appreciated.


Please keep praying for Ukraine!

Not Sure What To Do

I know Jesus IS the answer...He always is. I know sometimes fundraising is necessary, we need to be proactive, but I also know that we've have had many times in our previous adoptions where I felt like we MUST do fundraisers only to find that in my quiet time with God I'd believe He wanted us to stop trying so hard and just trust; so we would stop the fundraisers and do just that. Amazingly, He would absolutely provide. There was no magic formula, and I couldn't even go back and calculate how it all happened (because it never really seemed to add up) but He provided!

Here I sit today and again faced with, "So, should I be doing something? A fundraiser? Applying for grants? Applying for loans? Begging for a chunk of change?" and there is absolutely no impression upon my heart to really do any of that...but in my flesh I feel like, "You have got to do SOMETHING! Money won't just fall from the sky," especially when I see so many other adoption fundraisers going on around me. I *think* I'd even be happy if I believe God was impressing upon my heart to "be still," but honestly I can't hear squat over my screaming flesh.

The key (and I am doing a bit of self talk here) is to always be walking in the Spirit because I can't go wrong. God will not punish me for having faith. We will not allow me to miss out. Waiting on him is not disobedience. If He tells me to jump I will do it.

 

As hard and stressful as fundraisers are, and they are, there are adoptive families busting their tails (been there, done that), I wonder if it is harder (or maybe just a different kind of hard) to just sit and wait on God.

Seriously. I should be a professional at this now. Our last adoption was so easy in the sense that my faith was stronger...maybe because I was busier, or maybe because I needed the money in much smaller increments in over a years time not a ginormouos chunk in just a few weeks. But He provided AS WE NEEDED IT. I could remind myself, "I don't need it today," and when I did need it, I had it. Hard to do with $22,000.

In 2 of our adoptions we received nearly as much and more than this in a moments time. I'm thinking the odds of that happening again are probably pretty slim. Of course, I was certain the odds of that happening EVER was pretty slim before too...and there was NO POSSIBLE WAY I could have ever dreamed it would have happened as it did.

Is fear the lack of faith? Yes, but I know my God and I know that He WILL provide if this is to happen. He doesn't need to provide today, I don't need it today, but I sure would be glad if He did. Patience is obviously not something that comes naturally for me.

I just don't understand how I can have had God provide over  $130,000 in adoption costs in the past and feel so unsettled about $22,000. In God's economy that is not even a drop in the bucket. I'm looking at the mountain and not at my God. I sure would love some encouraging scripture and prayer.

Thanks! <3

Fear

I have to admit, fear has started to creep in. I have no fear in adopting again right now; that is for certain. I do think that I will face some pretty big fear when it comes time to travel. Things are getting rough in Ukraine right now and even a good friend of ours (Ukrainian) was brutally attacked and mugged on the streets of Kiev last week!

If you don't already know, I am traveling alone. I mean, I hope to have a travel buddy but my husband does not need to travel for the adoption and we are choosing for him to remain home with the children. Because of what is going on he mentioned how he should probably go with me but we quickly realized that this would not be a good idea because IF something were to happen then what would happen to our kids at home? He needs to stay here.

No doubt there will be plenty of people who think that I am nuts to go or am being irresponsible mom...I have already heard a bit of this from one concerned person, but honestly I am trusting God in when and if I should go.

The other thing is...the money. I know, I know, you are tired of me posting about it but this is a huge fact we can't just brush aside. Our dossier was submitted 3 weeks ago tomorrow. We were told by our facilitator that 4 weeks is the average time for registration. Others told us many have been registered in 3 weeks. If either of these timelines were still correct we could hear something any day now. The next wait would be 3-4 weeks to hear of a travel date for another 4 weeks out. (that would mean travel the end of May possibly). However, last night a new friend in the adoption community shared a new possible timeline and a change in the process (not a legal change. just an apparent change). She shared that THREE families had just learned they were registered AND received their travel date all in the same day! It took a few weeks longer before they found out they were registered but again, they learned of their travel date at the same time AND they will be traveling in just a few weeks! By this friend's calculations (based on the timelines of these 3 families), that would mean we should hear of our registration and appointment date in about 2.5 wks for an APRIL travel date! Hello! That's next month! AND....I HAVE NO MONEY!

There is this huge part of me that wants to remind myself that God has come through every time, and if I sit down and fantasize how the money will come, I can pretty well be sure that those are the ways the money will NOT come. There is no way to figure it out! $22,000 in 6 weeks? Yes, I'm nervous.

I need to remind myself that looking at our experiences in the past is helpful but not where I need to be looking...I need to be looking at God. He will ALWAYS be bigger than our experiences. Maybe that's where the fear is creeping in.

I don't know. I just know that if our boys are over there and God is telling me to bring them home, then I need to do it. I just want to swoop in and scoop them up...whoever they are.